Dear Epilepsy | 10

Dear Epilepsy,

It's been a long time since we first heard about you, nearly 17 years to be precise, but you were there before we even heard the word Epilepsy. They said they think you've been there all along. They say you will probably stay as well, some people grow out of you, but I have 2 years left and each time you make an appearance, that chance decreases more and more. In those years you've made a lasting impression, and lasting memories. 

I can remember crying every single time my mum had to get the glue out of my hair after another ECG scan. I can remember feeling scared and vulnerable, because I had wires coming out of my head. 

I can remember Christmas being difficult, no flashing lights they said that is almost impossible at certain times of the year.

I can even remember being the 'slow' child at school because I would have an absence seizure and it would luck like I was confused or day dreaming.

I can remember the shocked look on some of my teachers faces when they found out I had Epilepsy, at the beginning that was because you weren't really heard of, in the end that was because of ignorance, because I knew the staff knew what Epilepsy was but regardless of the fact I had it in for as long as I can remember the teachers at Secondary School, some of them still didn't know after several years. I'd just presumed that it was because of the amount of students they taught, then I came to uni where a tutor can see over 1,000 students and yet still remember I have Epilepsy and still remember who I am.

I remember having a seizure on stage, well being told I had a seizure on stage, since then I've been so scared, scared of performing, scared of speaking in public, scared of making a fool of myself.

Although out of all of that, all of those years it has never hit me as hard as the past 2, realising that even little things like riding a bike, you make difficult, driving, swimming...impossible. The funny thing is, as I've grown older more and more things seem to trigger you, stress...exam time is fun, I can't avoid that one though can I, not when it comes to the future. 

On top of all that though, I've learnt how to fight day in, day out. How to face a problem head on, that brains are just as important as anything else. I've also learnt that taking care of myself is vita, I know plenty of people that are diagnosed with a condition like you, that create a few more obstacles in life ask themselves 'Why me?' but why not me Epilepsy? I am no more special than anyone else, and quite frankly I would rather deal with you myself every single day than have to watch someone I love battle you every single day. So for that, thank you Epilepsy.