So I turn 20 tomorrow, 2 decades old. I set myself 20 challenges and I didn't actively try in a way I just tried to gradually fix them day by day. Once I completed a challenge I decided not to stop there, and just continue.
I wanted to get out my comfort zone, and that has happened, I've walked home without having a little freak out at 4 am. Which is a lot better than making sure my mum or nan stay up until I come out of a gig so I can be on the phone and not get murdered. I am wearing clothes that last year I would've liked but wouldn't hSave worn because of people opinions.
I updated this last year saying I'd started a new sport, this helped me improve my health, my anxiety is slightly improving, whilst I was under my consultant before I never actually saw and after I didn't like the way I was treated by the nurse, I have now got an appointment with the consultant after her appalling behaviour. I'm eating more healthily and now have a Fitbit which tracks my sleep and can pick up on if I've had a seizure.
In terms of trying food I now like, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussels Sprouts where as a kid I would flat out refuse to eat them because they were 'disgusting'. Not sure if I ever actually tried them as a kid but still. However I don't like humus, I tried a bit of the lid and it went in the bin. I also saw the 5 new things relatively early into this.
Number 6 is a work in progress, I think it always will be. I can see I'm a better person than I used to be, and I can vaguely lower my walls. My skin is also a work in progress, I have started wearing a foundation with SPF and I think I've found some products that work for my skin, but that will probably change as usual.
My 5 lessons I've learnt;
- 1. Some people are toxic, its okay to avoid these people.
- 2. I will always think the seaweed is greener in a different sea.
- 3. Love or true friendship is being able to tolerate and live with that person in harmony...I have not found these people.
- 4. I am restless and reckless, I'm not scared to do things I want to do even if things could turn bad (but not everything), I also don't like staying still, by that I have to move onto the next thing pretty quickly.
- 5. I do far to much thinking, like a lot, on the way to uni, it keeps me up at night as well.
As for writing, I've written essays, a little bit of the book, which I need to finish and start the next one. In terms of finishing what I started, in a literal sense of projects etc I haven't done that. In terms of old relationships people have tried to contact me. Those people are toxic to/for me so I cut it off once and for all.
Relaxing...binge watching Netflix of course, panicking about life, yes. However I have began to just not care, people's opinions don't matter as much to me now. I said I traced my family tree, I forgot the site, its all good.
Childhood memories;
-Have a bad time with epilepsy and watch The Little Mermaid with Super Noodles and Sweetcorn - Check
- Have an EEG and MRI - Check
-Eat like a 3 year old - Obviously
-Watch old kids programmes...Yes
Letters...I wrote 1. I then realised my life was just normal and I'd probably remember it...I hope. Spend quality time with my family, going home and getting off the bus and having a 3 year old run up and hug you is such a good feeling. My family came down yesterday for my birthday. I've also managed to spend more time with my nan. However if I spend more than 2 weeks with them I want to escape from most of them and have my space back.
Confidence, that has improved, I still put myself down but that's okay I can work on that. Being happy. I've smiled. A Lot. I've laughed and socialised and its so good. I can be content just by going to make myself a cup of tea, in my flat, cuddled under my blanket.
Stand up for what I believe in, I've done that more, and more openly and hopefully without being abrupt. Smile, like I said I've done that, I've found more happiness (YAY!)
I've enjoyed my last year as a teenager, I've enjoyed dancing and laughing and the moments in between, it hasn't been perfect but nothing ever is.
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