The Past
A few years ago I will admit I was a person I couldn't be proud of, I was weak no matter how much I tried to be strong. That's okay though. It wasn't the right time, the right place or the right people. Then again there are 2 past versions of myself. There is the broken girl who had her world crumble, and she just didn't know how to build it up, I couldn't find the voice I had before that. However before her was a 'gobby, happy little girl' my family have videos of me just dancing and twirling and singing where I could, they have pictures of me in costume for school productions or whatever. I guess the main period of time that changed was the ages of 11-13 when I did a complete 180. I was completely different which brings me to the present.
The Present
I am 19 going on 20. I am both an introvert and an extrovert, I guess both those people combined themselves. I can retract me and put those walls back up until I'm in Rapunzel's tower. I can also be the girl screaming at a concert, singing into her hair brush, dancing around her room. Thankfully that is slowly becoming the person, thankfully the toxicity that once filled my life is disappearing, I am not scared to stand up for what I believe, or to voice my opinion, or wear whatever I like (Thankfully that isn't neon fishnet gloves any more). Things change as do people. However although my behaviour may change that doesn't mean my morals do.
The Future
I don't have a crystal ball so forgive me if in 10 years time this isn't right but if its anything like the last 5 years then everything will be okay. If I continue to stand strong, I continue to fight for what I believe in, I continue not accepting any less than I deserve. Well then life should be pretty good. 10 years ago I was 9 going on 10. I was living freely obsessed with a side ponytail and I was quite happily just jumping on my trampoline my biggest life choice was if I used an orange or red crayon whilst listening to The Black Eyed Peas.
I can completley understand people using someones past to make judgements and that is fine but don't throw their mistakes in their face. Don't hold it against them. Don't think that the person they once were is an accurate description of who and where they are now. I have changed so much, I acceptt my past, I accept people are aware of the mistakes I've made but if you want to tell me I'm still the same person I was at 12 as I am at 19, then please don't expect me to welcome you into my life. People say we only except what we think we deserve, well I've learnt that I deserve more than toxicity, more than judgemental people who are simply going to remind me of how bad things used to be, who try to fit me in that box and stay in that box, probably just to make themselves feel better about themselves. Thats not cool, I don't want that in my life. I am not ashamed of the person I was nor am I proud but I accept that person, just as I accept the person I am now and hopefully the person I become.
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