Life has been a rollercoaster recently, I got my offer from one of the worlds leading universities for my next degree, yay!
However, my depression has also been bad recently, theres been times when its felt like someone is squeezing my heart. Its like in Once Upon a Time, when the Evil Queen is squeezing peoples hearts just before she crushes them, its like that constantly. I've reached out for help, as much as I've tried to avoid it over the years, tried to muddle through. I knew it was better than struggling, like I have been.
I have also learned another very important lesson, I need to be selfish, I need to look after myself and my health (including my mental health) and make it a priority. In the past I have prioritised things before my health (education, other commitments etc), but I have realised that if I am not well in myself I won't perform my best.
Therefore, in order for me to be and do my best I just have to do whatever that means, if thats letting a few people down now and then because of a seizure or panic attack or my depression is over whelming me, thats got to be okay. I don't want to keep prioritising other things and suffering myself which in the longer term will only make the situation as a whole worse, and just end up being a vicious circle.
Thankfully, I had a meeting at uni today to sort some of the stuff out, hopefully this will reduce some of the stress, depression and anxiety. I feel like I should of done it sooner, like in first year instead of waiting this long, but I didn't think I needed and after past experiences I didn't feel like I could trust someone in that position again.
Hopefully the rest of 2017 will be kinder, more gentle.
Hopefully the rest of 2017 will be kinder, more gentle.
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