Firstly 2019, thank you. At the start of the year I mentioned how took a metaphorical beating last year. 2018 broke me several times. I was desperate for a gentler year this year and whilst its had its downs and boy has it been busy it has definitely been an improvement to last year.
I can't imagine life if I'd have had another year like 2018. 2019 blessed me with new opportunities, new memories and a chance to rebuild myself. I am 100 x better than this time last year and whilst I still don't feel like the old me I can see myself getting better slowly. 2018 made me guarded and people who I have only just met have noticed. 2019 shown me how good life could be though. I got to travel, chase down new dreams and make some incredible memories.
Its important to remember that 2018 was only one year of this decade, overall though this decade has had some of the best and worst moments of my life.
2010 I was trying to figure life out after a patchy 2 years, it was the year I picked and started taking my GCSE's. I thought I had my life set out, I was 14 and oh so in love. I thought he would be my forever, it wasn't the best relationship and as an adult I look back on it and think 'eww' or 'why' but then I remember I was a child and I was naive and I have to forgive myself for that.
2011 I started becoming stronger, I started accepting what I should and began settling for less.
2012 I sat and passed my GCSE's a milestone several people thought I wouldn't reach because I was either to dumb or I was trouble and wouldn't last in the school system that long. I started my A-Levels and set my sight on university. It was also the last time I was in a 'relationship' the break up was so powerful for me. At 16 I opted to leave a relationship that wasn't working, that I couldn't see myself being in in the future and do what felt right for me. Negative wise this was also the year I was attacked and victim blamed, that night and the events after still affect me each day and I don't know if there will ever be a day where they won't but I've come to accept that to the best of my ability. At the beginning of this year I also struggled with my MH and spent my nights drinking whether it was a Monday or a Saturday, I attempted an OD which thankfully was unsuccessful. I did however get my first part time job and I loved it.
2013 was quite uneventful to be honest. The main thing I remember is discovering this magical place called London. I've never known somewhere so new and strange feel like home and I think its safe to say it will always be one of my favourite places. Other than that nothing really happened but thats probably because during my 1st year of 6th Form I was sitting 4 AS Levels and working 3 jobs so I didn't really have time for anything to happen.
2014 was another successful year, I turned 18, sat and passed my A-Levels and started studying for my degree. I also got to enjoy what I didn't realise would be our last big family holiday.
2015 I lived in a beautiful student flat, honestly that view still gives me the feels. I started socialising more and I could vaguely see my anxiety improving.
2016 I met my best friend. I went to London again but this time at Christmas, I also went on a protest for education rights and cuts before that visit. It was a day to remember to say the least.
2017 within the first 2 months I was in London again, once for a uni trip and again for an interview. I turned down that interview and I was gutted but it just wasn't viable at that time, little did I know I would eventually be thankful for that decision. If I had taken that offer I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to my nan in the winter and that would have killed me. I also graduated and went back to uni.
2018 I've said before what a dreadful time that was I mainly remember tears of frustration, emotional exhaustion and hurt. However I also got my pup and that pup changed me more than I ever imagined, you see no matter how hard life gets I know that if I left, the pup couldn't understand and would forever be waiting for me to come back. I never knew a pups unconditional love would change me so much.
2019 has given me so much, I got to go to new places, I travelled abroad for the first time in 10 years, I ticked things of my bucket list and I found a new dream to chase.
The last 10 years have been a rocky journey but onwards and upwards from here so 2020 bring it on.
