I used to think my life was so repetitive, especially when I was younger, I had the same classes, same teachers, wore the same type of clothes/colours to school, had the same friends, some even from before nursery. Ate at pretty much the same time everyday, went for a walk at the same time everyday. It was mundane and boring. Even as I got to uni in the beginning I would stick to the same trusted favourites, favourite bars, favourite shops despite having so much more choice than before, but as I sit here now I realise how much can change in such a short while.
I never fully understood how they say your whole world can turn upside down in a moment. I got why people felt that but it had never happened to me. Everything always seemed to happen after having time to prepare. I had members of my family with cancer, it gave us time to prepare for their death. I knew when I hadn't done well on an exam or as well as I wanted and could prepare for that.
However I couldn't prepare for my Nan's death, she was seen by a doctor only 15 minutes before the ambulance was called, a friend had resuscitated her whilst the ambulance was on their way. I'd called from work to see how she was as we were waiting for the doctor. I didn't know I would drop out of uni until the day I sent that email. All within just under 6 months. Within 10 months things I never thought would happen did. I left a dream behind, I for once let go of education, something that brought so much pain but so much joy. I was putting myself and my health first.
I felt so low, despite somethings being my decision. I was saddened it had come to this, I felt ashamed that I'd given up but relieved I wasn't going through the torture I felt for so long anymore. I wasn't a failure but I was full of 'What if's?' I finally began to smile but my confidence disappeared. In one week I began to fall out of love with my dream career, I began to smile again, feel relief and my health and mental health improved rapidly.
One person, one event can change everything, for better or worse. At the same time, one decision you make can change your life instantly. Leaving a toxic relationship, crossing the road when you see traffic running, going on that spontaneous trip, getting into someones car who's been drinking or starting that new diet.
Its important to be cautious with the decisions we make and try and make the best ones for us, even if its within a split second.
